Podcast: Parenting Time & Holidays

A little late for Halloween but still in time to provide some help for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Podcast Episode Three: Parenting Time & Holidays is now available at The Sutton Law Office Website.

http://www.thesuttonlawoffice.com/html_files/videos.html

Lessons Learned From Middle School Part Two

Lessons Learned From Middle School Part Two

October 19, 2012

Welcome back to my reflection on my recent adventures in middle school.  To briefly recap, I recently had two separate opportunities to speak at Metro-Atlanta area middle schools.  On September 17^th I spoke to a group of students at McNair Middle School for their Constitution Day celebration.  On September 25^th I spoke with five science classes on how to use the scientific method in various careers and in everyday life.  In our last article we looked at the similarities I saw in the audiences at each event, how those similarities created some special challenges for me as the presenter, and how those challenges are shared by teachers, lawyers, and nearly everyone faced with public speaking.  Today we look at some positive takeaways from those experiences.  Specifically, we will look at three general approaches that seemed to work very well with the students, including students from all three categories we discussed last time.  None of these ideas are revolutionarily.  In fact, many people may see them as common sense.  However, they are easy to overlook especially when you are before a group of people.

Direct Involvement.  People learn best when they are actively involved in the subject matter.  I think this is doubly so for young students, many of which have waning attention spans.  Whether it is a math student working through problems on paper, a science student conducting an experiment, or a history student preparing for an oral report, direct involvement keeps the mind active and focused.  In short, it is learning by doing.

When headed by great teachers in facilitative environments, schools can be great sources of learning by doing.  McNair Middle School has a very active student debate club that encourages students to read, write, and debate in a fun and competitive atmosphere.  These same students also participate in moot court competitions.  Rather than just reading about court by listening to a lecture, they learn legal advocacy and judicial processes by being advocates in mock court. 

Danielle Middle School also promotes direct involvement by their students.  They have an outstanding Lego robots program that encourages engineering and problem solving skills, again, in a fun and competitive atmosphere.  Danielle Middle school science teacher, and Teacher of the Year Award Winner, James Hawlk showed me how it is possible to promote direct involvement in a classroom atmosphere as well.  While presenting an experiment to show how energy affects molecules, Mr. Hawlk almost constantly asked for student input and peppered the entire presentation with questions.

Like teachers at McNair and Danielle Middle Schools, a presenter should promote the involvement of the audience.  This is a little counterintuitive to many people.  We often think of public speaking as follows: speaker stands up, gives speech, audience applauds at the end, and the speaker sits down. The audience’s involvement is minor at best, but does it have to be this way?  While speaking with fellow attorney, mediator, and long time friend Bob Berlin on this subject he suggested that even small actions such as asking the audience to answer a question or raise their hands goes a long way to keeping them involved and keeping their attention.  It turns the passive action of listening to a speech into the active action of responding to and engaging with the speaker.

Relating to the Audience.  People respond to things and ideas that directly tie to their wants, needs, and personal situations.  The Audience wants to know how the presentation is relevant to their daily lives.  The farther a teacher or presenter moves away from the audience’s lives, the greater the risk that the audience will lose interest.  That is not to say that a teacher or presenter can never discuss abstract ideas.  Rather, he or she must develop a way to tie those abstract ideas to the audience in a relatable way. 

This was a struggle in both middle schools, but especially so in the McNair Constitution day event. Mr. Chisholm, the teacher responsible for the event, shared my desire that the students relate to the Constitution and understand its importance.  How do you relate the US Constitution to thirteen year old students?   One technique that I think worked very well during the presentation was the use of hypothetical situations.  By creating a fictional situation you can discuss abstract ideas in a way that is tailored specifically to your audience.  When discussing the importance of Checks and Balances, I turned McNair Middle School into hypothetical country.  All of the students were citizens and I, because I’m such a nice guy, was made the first king of McNair.  Since the middle school was their “home turf” they related to the situation. Even the students who were initially not interested in the event took notice.  This then allowed me to use the scenario to contrast the protections of checks and balances with a dictatorship.  Even though the entire segment was a piece of fiction, it succeeded in relating the material to the audience while expanding their knowledge.  Mr. Hawlk and I similarly used hypothetical scenarios when speaking to his science class at Danielle Middle School.  The topic was the use of the scientific method in careers beyond being a scientist.  This topic easily opened the door for real life examples and hypothetical situations that kept the students interested and engaged.

The process of crafting a relatable presentation can be a little challenging.  You want to expand the audience’s knowledge base and you also want to relate to what they already know.  Only doing one or the other is not enough.  If you attempt to expand their knowledge without being relatable, they will lose interest.  If you only discuss what is relatable to them without expanding their knowledge, your presentation is pointless in that you are only telling them what they already know.  However, I think being relatable is essential for capturing and keeping an audience’s attention.  I hope the above has demonstrated that it is very possible to do both, even when dealing with children.

Energy brings Out Energy. This is probably the most common sense of the ideas discussed today, but it is again easily and often overlooked. I also think this is the single most important point for attempting to grab and hold the attention of all three of the categories of audience members we discussed in the previous article.   No one wants to be bored.  This fact has been around since people have been around but it is especially true today.  Between television, music, computers, games, internet, smart phones, and so on, our brains have become accustomed to near constant input.  When presented with a speaker that is low energy, the audience perceives him or her as dull or longwinded and it is natural for the audience’s attention to drift. 

It is essential that the speaker keep that attention, and it can be kept in part by being energetic.  People react to energy.  In fact, they often reciprocate with their own energy.  When presented with an energetic speaker, audiences often become energized themselves.  Not only do they focus their attention squarely on the energetic speaker, but they often begin to interact with that speaker.  The speaker and the audience have now created a closed loop of energy.  The speaker’s energy energizes the crowd and the crowd’s energy energizes the speaker.  Anyone who has ever acted on stage understands this relationship, and this is why many actors prefer live audiences.

We can learn a lot about having high energy by looking at the best of our teachers.  These are the teachers that love the subjects they teach and genuinely care that their students learn.  From Mr. Chisholm talking about the importance of being an educated citizen to Mr. Hawlk discussing the movement of molecules, there is no replacement for genuine passion.  A public speaker needs to have a similar passion.  He or she needs to have passion for the subject matter and passion for the speech itself. This passion will translate into high energy.  This does not mean you have to love the subject of every speech.  It does mean that you need to know and understand the subject and have excitement over the opportunity to share your knowledge.  Part of this comes from picking subjects that hold your interests.  If it is dull to you it will be dull to the audience.  The other part is doing your research so you really know what you are talking about. 

I think a lot of what makes a good presentation comes to having high energy.  Many flaws in a presentation can and will be overlooked by an audience if the presenter has genuine passion and energy for the subject.  None of this means that the presenter must be the pinnacle of entertainment or force comedy or anecdotes to keep the audience’s attention.  This also does not mean that the speaker has to jump up and down and yell every thirty seconds.  I call this being superficially energetic and I do not think it goes over very well with audiences.  The middle school kids would say the speaker is “trying too hard”.  In short, if it does not feel natural it will not be perceived as natural.  The best energy comes from the presenter who really cares about what he or she says and cares about how he or she is says it.  

I hope that my recent adventures in middle school provided an interesting framework for discussing these ideas. There are several other things we can discuss in relation to what makes a good speech such as structure, theme, clarity, cadence, and the monster known as being nervous.  However, I think the big three subjects we discussed today can help anyone who has to make a presentation before an audience be it a crowd of co-workers or crowd of thirteen year olds. 

I greatly enjoyed my time at McNair Middle School and Danielle Middle School and I thank both for the opportunities to interact with and learn from your students and your faculty.

Adam M. Sutton, Esq.

New DR Currents Coming Soon

Fall edition of DR Currents is coming together nicely. Just waiting on one more writer. My fellow lawyers out there should really consider joining the Dispute Resolution Section of the State Bar. Otherwise you miss out on a really great newsletter if i do say so myself.

Lessons Learned From Middle School Part One

Lessons Learned From Middle School Part One

This writing is a little different than past articles hosted by the Sutton Law Office.  Today I plan to recap my recent adventures into Metro-Atlanta area middle schools and what I think we can learn from those experiences, especially relating to public speaking. 

On September 17^th, I was the guest speaker at McNair Middle School’s Constitution Day celebration.  It was an honor to be involved and doubly so to be the keynote presenter for the event.  I wanted to discuss the significance of the U.S. Constitution in a manner that was interesting to thirteen year olds while not talking over their heads or talking down to them. It was a difficult balance, but overall I say the presentation was a success.

There were about 150 students in the audience from twelve years old to fourteen.   As I stood back and observed the crowed, I saw a typical division of kids that age.  There was a small group of students who were completely engaged in the event.  They sat near the front and seemed to hang on every word spoken by the presenter.  There was a small group of students who were not interested in the event at all.  These students needed the most supervision by the teachers.  The majority of the students fell in the middle.  They showed some interest in the event, but their attention could wane easily, especially without direct observation by adults.  This breakdown of the audience was certainly not abnormal. It can be seen in almost any group in elementary school, in law school, and even in a jury pool.

 On September 25^th I participated in the Cobb County Chamber of Commerce’s Teacher for a Day program.  This program paired a business leader with a local school and gave him, or her, the opportunity to shadow a teacher for a day.  I was paired with science teacher, and teacher of the year award winner, James Hawlk at Danielle Middle School.  Rather than just shadow him for the day, Mr. Hawlk encouraged me to interact with each of his classes.  He allowed me to give a presentation to each class on the use of the scientific method in the practice of law, its use in other professions, and its use in everyday life.  The day was very different from McNair’s Constitution Day celebration in many respects. For example, rather than addressing a gathering of about 150 students, I spoke with five classes of about 20 to 25 students each.  This was quite a different dynamic compared to the larger setting and required a different type of preparation.  However, there were also similarities between the two experiences.  Foremost, even though I was dealing with a smaller group of students per sitting, I saw a very similar division of students who were completely interested, students who were not interested, and students who fell in the middle.

The primary goal as a speaker was to gain and hold as much of the attention of as many of the students as possible while being as educational as possible.  Sub-parts of this goal include pulling the interests of all three groups and, at the very least, not agitating or completely losing any group.   Some people say that a better approach is to focus only on that large group in the middle.  They suggest that the small group already engaged does not need the attention, and that attention directed towards the small uninterested group is wasted.  I disagree. People can, and sometimes do move within the three groups.  This is especially true for kids. Students, and people in general, who begin very interested and engaged can be lost if no attention is given to them at all.  As for the kids who are not initially interested in being involved, you never know what could make the proverbial light bulb flash on. You never know what will invoke the realization that “I get it” or “I want to know more”.  It could be a single idea or sentence.  That opportunity alone is worth some attention.

While standing before the students, at both events, staring at eyes that ranged from attentive and excited to glossy and bored, I realized that this is a very difficult situation teachers face every day.  The simple question of “How can I engage everyone?” does not have a very good answer.  At both events I met some outstanding teachers and school professionals who use all sorts of creative ways to grab student’s interest and educate them.   However, the struggle remains and is not just limited to middle school. Any speaker that addresses a crowd knows this struggle.  Any attorney that addresses a jury knows it.  Any person that addresses a board of directors, supervisors, or subordinates knows it.

While I do not believe there is a single great answer to the question of how to engage everyone, my experiences at both middle schools lead me to believe there are some basic tools that anyone can use to better connect with an audience.  In part two, we will discuss these tools, how they worked in a middle school environment, and how they can be used by anyone.

Adam M. Sutton, Esq.

Changing Tasks

I decided to temporarily postponed the divorce and social media article. I will get to it, but not this month. Instead I'm using my time out of the office this morning to write an article recapping my recent adventures in public speaking at area middle schools.

Divorce Mediation Podcast

Podcast Episode 2: Divorce Mediation is now up at the Sutton Law Office Website. You can check it out here:

http://www.thesuttonlawoffice.com/html_files/videos.html

There I give an overview of how divorce mediation works, why I think mediation is important, and what you should look for from your mediator.

Effectively Preparing for Mediation

Effectively Preparing for Mediation

July 13, 2012

Nearly all contested divorces go to mediation.  Sometimes the parties volunteer to attend mediation very early in the process.  Other times they do not attend mediation until a judge orders them to do so.  Either way, one can safely assume that a contested divorce or domestic matter will involve mediation at one point or another.  This is a good thing.  Mediation is a very successful process as 70% to 80% of cases that go to mediation settle.

Mediation is a very informal process. It gives a lot of flexibility to everyone involved and, unlike court hearings, are not bound by complex rules of procedure.  However, because mediation is so informal, many parties and sometimes even attorneys do not prepare for mediation as well as they should.  While one should not prepare for mediation as thoroughly as one prepares for trial, taking a handful of basic actions can make the difference in whether a case settles.  With that in mind, below are some tips on how to effectively prepare for your mediation session.

·         Have all documentation ready.  Too often mediation stops because one side wants to review documentation relevant to some issue of contention and the other side did not bring the documents with them.  This often arises in child support disputes, allocation of marital debts, or dividing family owned businesses.  If you think child support should be increased or decreased because you pay for day-care, then bring documentation that shows how much day-care costs.  As a general rule, when in doubt, bring it with you and bring an extra copy.

·          Have the mediator’s payment ready.  Most mediators charge per hour and most require that payment is made at the conclusion of the session.  Good mediators put a lot of effort into their cases and the fair thing to do is compensate them for their time.  Also, most if not all mediation contracts specify that payment is due at the end of the session.  Failure to pay could get you in trouble with the judge.

·         Allot plenty of time to mediate. Most mediations take three to six hours.  A few can be completed within one hour, and on occasion some mediations can last all day.  It is important to allot plenty of time out of your schedule for mediation.  You do not want to miss an opportunity to resolve your case because of a time constraint.  If you are bound by a time constraint that you cannot avoid, inform the mediator and the other side prior to or at the beginning of the session so that accommodations can be made.

·         Discuss the mediation process with your attorney.  Unfortunately, many attorneys do not prepare their clients for mediation very well.  Informing a client that mediation “is a process where we try to settle the case” is accurate, but insufficient to really prepare the client.  As the client, it may be necessary to use detailed questions to prod your attorney for more information.  Find out your attorney’s experience with mediation. What is his or her general attitude towards mediation? How does he or she prefer to approach mediation? Will the attorney speak for you or are you expected to do the bulk of the speaking yourself?  Has he or she worked with this mediator before? If so, how did those cases go?

·         Know what you can and cannot agree to.  In positive, forward moving mediations the parties want to reach a resolution. They want the case settled. How they get there is the problem and that is where a good mediator can make all of the difference.  However, no matter how much you would really like your case to settle, it is extremely important that you know and understand what you can and cannot agree to.  You need to know what will and will not work.  For example, agreeing to pay $1,500 per month for alimony will not work if you only earn $1,300 per month.  Also, agreeing to refinance the house will not work if you know you cannot get approved for a refinance.  Agreeing to things you cannot comply with is the quickest way to ensure that you are back in court fighting about things again.  So when preparing for mediation, take some time and learn what you are and are not capable of agreeing to.

·         Evaluate your alternatives. As successful as mediation can be, not all cases settle. What is your plan if mediation does not result in a settlement?  What will the rest of the contested divorce process look like?  What will the costs be?  What will a judge likely decide in your case?  In our article “How to Negotiate Better in Three Steps” we called this developing you BATNA, or Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement.  Developing your BATNA will serve two big functions.  First, it will help you stay grounded during the mediation. It gives you an alternative to compare and contrast with the proposed settlement and help you decide whether the proposed settlement is good for you. Second, it will keep you from feeling locked into mediation.  Mediation is a voluntary process.  For it to stay voluntary it is important for you to know that you have alternatives if mediation is not working for you. 

·         Leave blame at home. Divorce is a hard experience. People have said and done things they should not have done, emotions are running high, and feelings are hurt.  This comes out at mediation and that is ok.  However, it is important that the “bad blood” does not derail the mediation process. Leave as much of the blame at home as you can and try to take a problem solving approach rather than a fighting approach to your case. This is hard thing to do during a divorce. However, it is essential if you want to get the most out of mediation. Stay focused on what you want out of the process – a negotiated resolution.  Fighting and blaming is not what will get you there. 

I hope these tips will help you prepare to get the most out of your mediation.  If you have any questions or would like to know more about mediation, please do not hesitate to contact our office.

Adam M. Sutton, Esq.

Want to comment on this article? Join the conversation at our official blog: http://thesuttonlawoffice.blogspot.com/