Monday, October 15, 2012

Lessons Learned From Middle School Part One


Lessons Learned From Middle School Part One


This writing is a little different than past articles hosted by the Sutton Law Office.  Today I plan to recap my recent adventures into Metro-Atlanta area middle schools and what I think we can learn from those experiences, especially relating to public speaking. 

On September 17th, I was the guest speaker at McNair Middle School’s Constitution Day celebration.  It was an honor to be involved and doubly so to be the keynote presenter for the event.  I wanted to discuss the significance of the U.S. Constitution in a manner that was interesting to thirteen year olds while not talking over their heads or talking down to them. It was a difficult balance, but overall I say the presentation was a success.

There were about 150 students in the audience from twelve years old to fourteen.   As I stood back and observed the crowed, I saw a typical division of kids that age.  There was a small group of students who were completely engaged in the event.  They sat near the front and seemed to hang on every word spoken by the presenter.  There was a small group of students who were not interested in the event at all.  These students needed the most supervision by the teachers.  The majority of the students fell in the middle.  They showed some interest in the event, but their attention could wane easily, especially without direct observation by adults.  This breakdown of the audience was certainly not abnormal. It can be seen in almost any group in elementary school, in law school, and even in a jury pool.

 On September 25th I participated in the Cobb County Chamber of Commerce’s Teacher for a Day program.  This program paired a business leader with a local school and gave him, or her, the opportunity to shadow a teacher for a day.  I was paired with science teacher, and teacher of the year award winner, James Hawlk at Danielle Middle School.  Rather than just shadow him for the day, Mr. Hawlk encouraged me to interact with each of his classes.  He allowed me to give a presentation to each class on the use of the scientific method in the practice of law, its use in other professions, and its use in everyday life.  The day was very different from McNair’s Constitution Day celebration in many respects. For example, rather than addressing a gathering of about 150 students, I spoke with five classes of about 20 to 25 students each.  This was quite a different dynamic compared to the larger setting and required a different type of preparation.  However, there were also similarities between the two experiences.  Foremost, even though I was dealing with a smaller group of students per sitting, I saw a very similar division of students who were completely interested, students who were not interested, and students who fell in the middle.

The primary goal as a speaker was to gain and hold as much of the attention of as many of the students as possible while being as educational as possible.  Sub-parts of this goal include pulling the interests of all three groups and, at the very least, not agitating or completely losing any group.   Some people say that a better approach is to focus only on that large group in the middle.  They suggest that the small group already engaged does not need the attention, and that attention directed towards the small uninterested group is wasted.  I disagree. People can, and sometimes do move within the three groups.  This is especially true for kids. Students, and people in general, who begin very interested and engaged can be lost if no attention is given to them at all.  As for the kids who are not initially interested in being involved, you never know what could make the proverbial light bulb flash on. You never know what will invoke the realization that “I get it” or “I want to know more”.  It could be a single idea or sentence.  That opportunity alone is worth some attention.

While standing before the students, at both events, staring at eyes that ranged from attentive and excited to glossy and bored, I realized that this is a very difficult situation teachers face every day.  The simple question of “How can I engage everyone?” does not have a very good answer.  At both events I met some outstanding teachers and school professionals who use all sorts of creative ways to grab student’s interest and educate them.   However, the struggle remains and is not just limited to middle school. Any speaker that addresses a crowd knows this struggle.  Any attorney that addresses a jury knows it.  Any person that addresses a board of directors, supervisors, or subordinates knows it.

While I do not believe there is a single great answer to the question of how to engage everyone, my experiences at both middle schools lead me to believe there are some basic tools that anyone can use to better connect with an audience.  In part two, we will discuss these tools, how they worked in a middle school environment, and how they can be used by anyone.

Adam M. Sutton, Esq.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Changing Tasks

I decided to temporarily postponed the divorce and social media article. I will get to it, but not this month. Instead I'm using my time out of the office this morning to write an article recapping my recent adventures in public speaking at area middle schools.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Divorce Mediation Podcast

Podcast Episode 2: Divorce Mediation is now up at the Sutton Law Office Website. You can check it out here:

http://www.thesuttonlawoffice.com/html_files/videos.html

There I give an overview of how divorce mediation works, why I think mediation is important, and what you should look for from your mediator.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Effectively Preparing for Mediation


Effectively Preparing for Mediation
July 13, 2012

Nearly all contested divorces go to mediation.  Sometimes the parties volunteer to attend mediation very early in the process.  Other times they do not attend mediation until a judge orders them to do so.  Either way, one can safely assume that a contested divorce or domestic matter will involve mediation at one point or another.  This is a good thing.  Mediation is a very successful process as 70% to 80% of cases that go to mediation settle.

Mediation is a very informal process. It gives a lot of flexibility to everyone involved and, unlike court hearings, are not bound by complex rules of procedure.  However, because mediation is so informal, many parties and sometimes even attorneys do not prepare for mediation as well as they should.  While one should not prepare for mediation as thoroughly as one prepares for trial, taking a handful of basic actions can make the difference in whether a case settles.  With that in mind, below are some tips on how to effectively prepare for your mediation session.

·         Have all documentation ready.  Too often mediation stops because one side wants to review documentation relevant to some issue of contention and the other side did not bring the documents with them.  This often arises in child support disputes, allocation of marital debts, or dividing family owned businesses.  If you think child support should be increased or decreased because you pay for day-care, then bring documentation that shows how much day-care costs.  As a general rule, when in doubt, bring it with you and bring an extra copy.

·          Have the mediator’s payment ready.  Most mediators charge per hour and most require that payment is made at the conclusion of the session.  Good mediators put a lot of effort into their cases and the fair thing to do is compensate them for their time.  Also, most if not all mediation contracts specify that payment is due at the end of the session.  Failure to pay could get you in trouble with the judge.

·         Allot plenty of time to mediate. Most mediations take three to six hours.  A few can be completed within one hour, and on occasion some mediations can last all day.  It is important to allot plenty of time out of your schedule for mediation.  You do not want to miss an opportunity to resolve your case because of a time constraint.  If you are bound by a time constraint that you cannot avoid, inform the mediator and the other side prior to or at the beginning of the session so that accommodations can be made.

·         Discuss the mediation process with your attorney.  Unfortunately, many attorneys do not prepare their clients for mediation very well.  Informing a client that mediation “is a process where we try to settle the case” is accurate, but insufficient to really prepare the client.  As the client, it may be necessary to use detailed questions to prod your attorney for more information.  Find out your attorney’s experience with mediation. What is his or her general attitude towards mediation? How does he or she prefer to approach mediation? Will the attorney speak for you or are you expected to do the bulk of the speaking yourself?  Has he or she worked with this mediator before? If so, how did those cases go?

·         Know what you can and cannot agree to.  In positive, forward moving mediations the parties want to reach a resolution. They want the case settled. How they get there is the problem and that is where a good mediator can make all of the difference.  However, no matter how much you would really like your case to settle, it is extremely important that you know and understand what you can and cannot agree to.  You need to know what will and will not work.  For example, agreeing to pay $1,500 per month for alimony will not work if you only earn $1,300 per month.  Also, agreeing to refinance the house will not work if you know you cannot get approved for a refinance.  Agreeing to things you cannot comply with is the quickest way to ensure that you are back in court fighting about things again.  So when preparing for mediation, take some time and learn what you are and are not capable of agreeing to.

·         Evaluate your alternatives. As successful as mediation can be, not all cases settle. What is your plan if mediation does not result in a settlement?  What will the rest of the contested divorce process look like?  What will the costs be?  What will a judge likely decide in your case?  In our article “How to Negotiate Better in Three Steps” we called this developing you BATNA, or Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement.  Developing your BATNA will serve two big functions.  First, it will help you stay grounded during the mediation. It gives you an alternative to compare and contrast with the proposed settlement and help you decide whether the proposed settlement is good for you. Second, it will keep you from feeling locked into mediation.  Mediation is a voluntary process.  For it to stay voluntary it is important for you to know that you have alternatives if mediation is not working for you. 

·         Leave blame at home. Divorce is a hard experience. People have said and done things they should not have done, emotions are running high, and feelings are hurt.  This comes out at mediation and that is ok.  However, it is important that the “bad blood” does not derail the mediation process. Leave as much of the blame at home as you can and try to take a problem solving approach rather than a fighting approach to your case. This is hard thing to do during a divorce. However, it is essential if you want to get the most out of mediation. Stay focused on what you want out of the process – a negotiated resolution.  Fighting and blaming is not what will get you there. 

I hope these tips will help you prepare to get the most out of your mediation.  If you have any questions or would like to know more about mediation, please do not hesitate to contact our office.

Adam M. Sutton, Esq.

Want to comment on this article? Join the conversation at our official blog: http://thesuttonlawoffice.blogspot.com/

Friday, June 22, 2012

First Podcast Episode

Hello everyone. I am pleased to announce the our very first podcast episode is available in the audio/video section of the website: http://www.thesuttonlawoffice.com/html_files/videos.html

I will quickly admit that it is not perfect but it's not bad for a first try.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Getting the Most Out of Your GAL: Working with a Guardian Ad Litem


In custody cases that are especially combative, it is common for a judge to appoint a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL).  The role of a Guardian Ad Litem is to assist the court in its determination of custody, visitation, and other issues related to the well-being of a child.  The GAL will conduct a thorough investigation of all relevant parts of a child’s life and make a recommendation to the judge regarding custody.  While the final decision regarding custody rests solely with the judge, almost all judges take the recommendations of a GAL very seriously.

Because the recommendation to the judge carries so much weight, it is very important to work with the GAL if one is appointed in your custody case.  Below are a few tips on how to work with a GAL in a positive and productive manner.   Please note that these tips are the opinion of the author based on his experience.  These are not ironclad rules and different attorneys may have different opinions on the subject.

The GAL is not the enemy.  It is very easy to begin with a negative opinion of the GAL.  After all, he or she is a stranger brought in to examine and evaluate you as a person and as a parent, and in the end to make a judgment about you.  However, this is not the whole picture.  The GAL’s goal is not to embarrass you or make you look bad and, unlike the opposing attorney, his or her goal is not to win the case or make you lose the case.  Every question the GAL asks and every activity he or she undertakes is focused on a single goal: to help the judge determine what is in the best interest of the child.  A good GAL will have a neutral approach to the case.  He or she does not have a personal or financial interest in who gets custody.  A good GAL wants to do a thorough job, gain a strong understanding of the big picture surrounding your child, and make a fair recommendation to the judge.

Treat the GAL as an asset.  With the above paragraph in mind, the GAL can be a great asset to you and your case.  The GAL has access to things you, your attorney, and even the judge does not have access to.  He or she has almost total freedom to interact with you, the other parent, the child, both attorneys, neighbors, teachers, counselors, and much more.  Because the rules of evidence limit admissibility of many things in court, the judge may not be able to hear from some witnesses, or read some documents.  The GAL is not so restricted in his or her investigation or in his or her report.  Of all of the professionals working in a custody case, the GAL is the most empowered to seek out the truth and figure out what is fair.  Assuming that you too want the judge to see the truth and make a fair ruling, the GAL becomes one of your best assets to ensure that the judge gets an accurate view of you, the other parent, your child, and your case in general. 

Be a resource for the GAL.  It is very important that you are open and forthright with the GAL.  There is nothing to gain by obstructing the GAL through non-cooperation.  The GAL will conduct and complete his or her investigation with or without your input and you want him or her to have your input - to know your side of what is going on.  The best way to make sure you are heard is to not only cooperate, but cooperate fully. Cooperate to such an extent that you become the regular resource of information for the GAL.  You want the GAL to know that he or she can count on you to provide reliable information when asked. It is even better if the GAL knows you not only provide information but also back up your information with documentation or other proof.  This builds a degree of trust between you and the GAL and will give the GAL confidence to go to you if problems come up during the case.

Be Honest. Speaking of trust, there is no quicker way to lose the trust of a GAL than to lie or mislead.  In custody cases it is very rare that one side is 100% in the right without any blemishes and the other side is 100% in the wrong.  If something happened that does not paint you in the best light it is a natural reaction to wish to be less than forthright about the incident.  However, lying about the incident will not help in the long run.  Most GAL’s are thorough.  If there are witnesses or documents or other proof that contradicts you, they will probably find it.  Also, remember that the GAL works with both parents. The other parent or attorney will happily point out any lie or fabrication that they can catch you in.  If the GAL loses trust on you, he or she will put very little weight in future responses from you.  He or she may even stop coming to you for information entirely.  Additionally, the GAL may make a note in his or her report about the lie, and remember this report goes directly to the judge.

If you disagree, do so respectfully.  A lot of this article focuses on the benefits of the GAL and his or her good qualities.  However, it is important to remember that the GAL is human and as such can get things wrong.   The GAL is not God.  Nor is he or she the end all and be all of issues regarding children.  When a GAL gets something wrong, it is ok to correct him or her.  In fact, it is very beneficial to do so.  After all, you do not want the GAL to base his or her final report on incorrect information.  It is also ok to have a different opinion than the GAL.  Part of the GAL’s job is to draw conclusions and make recommendations.  If you disagree, make it known.  However, whether you are correcting a factual error of the GAL or disagreeing with his or her conclusion, please do so respectfully.  While a good GAL will never let personal feelings about a parent get in the way of making the right choice, the GAL is human.  Tone, inflection, attitude, and even word choice can greatly affect an impression of you personally.  Disagreeing respectfully also shows the GAL that you have the tools to express yourself and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner.      

Work with your attorney.  Your attorney probably has experience with GAL’s.  Your attorney may have even worked with your particular GAL before.  It can be quite beneficial to rely on this experience and take your attorney’s advice seriously.  While most GAL’s who work in family law are outstanding individuals, not all GAL’s are equal in ability.  Your attorney will have the experience to recognize whether you were appointed great GAL, or a GAL that for one reason or another is lacking.  Your attorney will also know how to approach each situation in a way that is most beneficial for your case.   

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

New Article Soon

The revisions to the website are coming along nicely but with personally re-writing a lot of the content, managing the office, and working on my cases, I am again not giving this blog the attention it deserves.  However, I will soon have a new article ready for publication and this blog will get it before anyone else.  Do you want to learn how to best work with a Guardian Ad Litem? It's coming.